They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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