woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
