we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
