I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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