There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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