I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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