Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
