Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i think im in europe. pls send help
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
