god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
