i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
God I need to hump something, right now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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