oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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