So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
