Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This is my life. Enjoy the view
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
