is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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