Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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