Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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