She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
