Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
