The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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