if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize