His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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