saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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