i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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