Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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