i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
