At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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