if you like me you must not know who I am
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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