well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
