its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
