Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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