Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
