Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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