Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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