He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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