Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
