I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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