I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
