If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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