I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
