I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
