I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
