If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
