the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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