Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
But break dance skills will only take you so far
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
