Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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