Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
