id be glad to
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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