if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
