I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
