i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
