sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
