I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
