I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
