So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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