can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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