Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
