Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize