I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
