I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I touched a dick in church today
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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