everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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