Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
