i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize