The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
