When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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