Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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