I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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