He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
barbara walters just said penis...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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