If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
