What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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