Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
