She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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