So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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